Garden: noun or verb?

Back garden

Our lilacs

Peony

Judy puttering

    My friend Katie the Master Gardener chides me, "Maggie, garden is a verb as well as a noun."  I love gardens; I love our garden especially. The views from our windows soothe the soul.  The flowers fill our house with delight.  First we have cuttings from the flowering cherry, then the camellia, then tulips and daffodils, then 5 different species of lilacs, then peonies, then iris, then roses and lilies, then dahlias.  We bought the house because of the garden, and we have struggled for fifteen years to keep up with it.

Simple Virginia yard

Tree work

   I was naive about yards in Oregon.  In Virginia,  you cut the grass 8 or 10 times per summer, plant a few azaleas,  and you're done.  You  will not bring down the neighborhood.  In Oregon, you cut the grass once a week from March through July, during the one half day when it is not raining. I burned  out an electric lawn mower the first spring we were here by trying to cut grass that had grown too long.

Yard work: 25 inch dandelion

     Judy was used to Oregon gardens.

Mary tries to make a dent

She was not naive, but she was
deluded. Before we moved in, she kept telling me how we could keep up with the yard  by devoting one hour a week to it.   Our garden needs much more than
 one hour a week. To some of my  friends, gardening is a spiritual experience.  To me, it is yard work.                        
         Judy  likes gardening.  She plants bulbs and putters whenever she can.  Visitors sometimes pitch in.  But mostly, we hire people.  Kevin cuts the grass on his own schedule.  Judy found some good tree men.  Many years we hire someone to clean up the beds and spread compost.  We don't direct them well, and  sometimes the workers prune too hard or pull up prized plants.

Lisa working her magic

     This year for the first time I am happy and hopeful about the garden.  Our friend Lisa, a writer who also does landscaping, is helping us.   We had to wait two years for Lisa to find room in her schedule for our yard.  She knows and loves plants, and has a fine eye about where to put them.  She divides plants from her yard and finds the perfect place for them in our beds.  She is slowly reviving our neglected paradise.

Judy's bulbs emerge

Flower bed in progress

     I still don't like yard work, but Katie is converting me by teaching me how to prune.  We have a good time together freeing up space for air and light in the middle of
 monster rhododendrons.  I'm learning from Katie.  I might end up liking some parts of gardening yet. (Who am I kidding?)

Monster rhodies

Star boarders

Arnold thinks he is a lap dog

   Arnold is Judy's number one canine fan, but he doesn't come to our house or play in our yard.  Judy goes next door to take care of Arnold.  We rely on our star boarders Lexie, Ruby, and Dave to remind us what it is like to have a dog live with us.
    Lexie has stayed with us many times.   She and Judy are old pals.  When Lexie is here she sticks close to Judy, and quietly tolerates me.

Ruby Sue

Judy and Lexie

     Ruby Sue lives on the corner with two little boys.  She is an English Bulldog, not fully grown but already more than filled out.  She is so fat that, when she started limping after getting up, I thought that her foot had gone to sleep under all of her weight.  Judy thinks that Ruby is so ugly that she's cute.  She sheds and farts and waddles around the house.  I can't quite get to cute, but I like Ruby.  It is soothing to hear her snoring when she sleeps under the bed.  She was slow and calm the whole time she was with us, except when we were Skyping with Maxine and Simone.  She lumbered determinedly around the house, whining her stifled bark and sniffing in corners, trying to find the children who must have sounded a lot like her little boys at home.
    Handsome Dave is my delight.  He's alert and energetic and wily about demanding scratches.  When he dashes into  the backyard, he leaps and gambols about.  (Sheila, his owner, said ,"What?
My dog has a gamboling problem?  I don' t need anybody with Issues in my life!")  Dave sleeps on our bed, at Judy's invitation.  The first night after he went home, it just didn't seem right that he was missing.  There was a Dave-sized empty space on the bed.

Dave

    Judy monitors several dog adoption web sites every day, and makes window-shopping  trips to the animal shelter.  We are looking for small adult, mellow female dog of our own.  One day Judy called from the Clackamas County Animal shelter.  I could hear the excitement in her voice.  "I think I've found her, " she said. I hustled over to the shelter to meet Dinah.  Dinah is part King Charles Spaniel and a lot unknown.  She was sweet and calm and not at all influenced by the racket of barking dogs around her.  She sat quietly on Judy's lap, and came docilely to me when I reached for her. She loved to be petted. We couldn't take her home that day, because she had recently been spayed.  In anticipation, Judy bought special food and a new dog dish for her.  Janet brought treats over, and Phyllis presented Judy with Dinah's first toy.
    I was in Texas when Judy was finally  able to take the dog home.  "She's a little mouthy," was my first report by phone.  Then, "She will have to learn some manners"  and, "She's a yapper."   Judy  began to call the dog Guppy, as in "I should have bought a goldfish."  Guppy acted more frenzied and aggressive as each day went by.  Finally, Judy returned Guppy to the shelter, where  Guppy almost leapt out of Judy's arms trying to attack another dog.  The shelter workers agreed with Judy's thinking:  when we first met her, Guppy must have still been affected by the  anesthesia for her surgery,  and then for a few days by pain pills.  After that  her true nature asserted itself.

Guppy disguised as a calm dog

 Whenever we get a dog of our own, we will be sure that she will be able to welcome all of our star boarders.

Legal at home

     Shortly after noon today in Eugene, Federal Judge Michael McShane ruled that Oregon's ban on same- sex marriage violates the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment of the US Constitution.
     Here is what he said about the four couples who are the plaintiffs:
     "All of the plaintiffs share in the characteristics that we would normally look to when we describe the ideals of marriage and family.  They present in the record as loving and committed couples who have established long-term relationships.  Each has solemnized that relationship in the presence of their family and friends. ...  Three of the four couples are parents, and are involved in their children's schools and activities.  They support each other financially and emotionally, and, by all accounts, their lives have become more meaningful in the single life they share together.
    All of these couples have worked in Oregon to support themselves and their children...Mr. Greiser is a teacher.  Mr. Rummel is a veteran of the United States Air Force. They pay taxes. They volunteer. They foster and adopt children who have been neglected and abused.  They are a source of stability to their extended families, relatives, and friends."
    He continues with a biting description of Oregon's marriage laws:
     "Despite the fact that these couples present so vividly the characteristics of a loving and supportive relations ship, none of these ideals we attribute to marriage are spousal prerequisites under Oregon law.  In fact, Oregon recognizes a marriage of love with the same eye that it recognizes a marriage of convenience. It affords the same rights and privileges to Tristan and Isolde that it affords to a Hollywood celebrity waking up in Las Vegas with a blurred memory and a ringed finger.  It does not, however, afford these very same rights to gay and lesbian couples who wish to marry within the confines of our geographic borders."
     He ends his opinion with an appeal to the  higher natures of potential critics:  "Where will all this lead? I know that many suggest we are going down a slippery slope that will have no moral boundaries.  To those who truly harbor such fears, I can only say this:  Let us look less to the sky to see what might fall; rather, let us look to each other, and rise."
    Gay marriage is finally legal in Oregon.  For Judy and me, it means that our marriage cannot be taken away by popular vote ever again.
     Same-sex couples began lining up outside marriage license offices early this morning, in anticipation of the judge's ruling.  As soon as it was announced, they got their licenses, found officiants, and exchanged vows.   Portland Mayor Charlie Hales officiated at several weddings.
     One newlywed said, "Now I feel like a real American, a legal American, after all these years."

Progress stinks

Display at University of Washington pulmonary clinic

    The good news about Judy's pulmonary fibrosis is that it is progressing very slowly.  The bad news is that it is progressing.   As Judy's smart pulmonologist says, medical science knows almost nothing about the disease; what causes it, whether it is one disease or many, and especially not how to  stop the lungs from scarring.  They haven't even found a reliable way to slow down the scarring.  The doc said, "We might as well be in  the middle ages with this disease.  I could prescribe you a course of leeches."
    When Judy was diagnosed three and a half years ago, we began to live with the shock of a fatal prognosis. The fibrosis was a cloud over our lives, especially as we thought about the future, but Judy could continue her normal life at almost her normal pace.  Now the fatigue, shortness of breath and coughing limit her every day.  Taking a shower, for instance, requires  her to lie down with oxygen for a good length of time afterwards.  Pulmonary fibrosis is beginning to determine how each day will go.

Becky rides along with Judy's oxygen

     Judy's lungs have scarred to the point where she is operating with no reserves.  When the dog we were caring for got out of the fence, Judy knew she couldn't chase him.  She rushed next door to good neighbor Robert, who found the escape artist and brought him home.  Moving so fast snatched  Judy's breath away, and it took her several days to recover from the fatigue.
       Sometimes, when Judy  is knocked out by fatigue and needs oxygen fairly often,  there is no event we can pinpoint that triggered the low day.  Was it the weather?  The change in the weather?  The pollen?  Were the gods angry?  There are days when it is a triumph of the will for Judy to sit up in her recliner all day, when what she really wants is just to curl up in bed.  Other days, she can carry on with her music and her breakfasts and lunches with friends.  Some weeks she can do the grocery shopping (with good planning); other weeks it is a struggle.

Public art in Evanston

    In late  March, Judy got one cold and then another.  For five weeks she could barely move from her  chair.  She grew weaker and weaker, and had trouble eating.   She had lost five pounds by the time we went to Manzanita.  As we  sat outside the local grocery store, Judy was not succeeding in eating her favorite chicken.  Rob came by and, in his gentle paramedic way, suggested Ensure.  Drinking Ensure broke the impasse for Judy, and she began to build up to normal eating.  When we returned home, Judy finally saw her primary care doctor.  A week's worth of steroids gave Judy's once-outstanding immune system a boost, and she got over the decline.
    We both know that the time will come when we will live with some version of that decline.  But not yet, not yet.
 

Let it go

Fire on the beach

John's photo: Jumpkelping

     I returned from Evanston on a Wednesday.  On Thursday I shopped and did laundry.  On Friday I cooked.  On Saturday we drove to Manzanita.  Judy dropped me off at the library cottage, where I cleaned for the next four hours.  Then we joined John and Rose at the small house we rent together, and spring vacation began.

Rob's photo: Judy and Gracie

     Chas and Kris had the house next door, along with their daughter Jenny and her family.  Jess and her family and friends were staying at house a few blocks away.  Our first vacation plan  was to meet Jess and Rob's new puppy, a springer spaniel named Gracie.  Our second was to walk to the bakery every morning before they sold out of cinnamon rolls.  We didn't have a third.

Josh chooses a tune

     The kids played jump rope with bull kelp, Jamie singing the jump rope songs at the top of her lungs.  Our house had a player piano, and Josh tried out Great Balls of Fire in between card games.

Rob and Gracie

    The weather was superb, but often windy.  Rose remembered the good time that Tina had organized last summer, gathering everyone on the beach for a fire to make s'mores. Each evening this spring break seemed too windy for a beach fire.  Finally, on our last night, John lit a fire at dusk.  Rose and I positioned chairs around, got the marshmallows and Hershey bars ready, and waited in the dark for the kids to appear.  The moon was almost full.  We heard the girls before we saw them.  They ran up the beach from the tall sand dune about four blocks away singing  Let it Go, a song from  the movie Frozen, 
     In Frozen, the young queen has to hide and rigidly control her powers,  to the extent that she goes into exile to protect people from them.  She finally lets herself loose, singing, "Let it go!  Let it go!"
     My friend  Linda told me about a woman she knows.  The woman hesitates to speak, and follows everything she says with a question or a glance for reassurance. There are still pressures on young girls to stifle their power.  Hearing my nieces running on the beach at night, singing strong, makes me happy and confident that they will prevail over the influences that would mute them.

John's photo: Let it go

 

Time with the guys

    Au contraire, my son and brother, the Kalil boys were anything but wild.  We went right from the airport to the first of many restaurant meals.  They are patient and polite with the waiters,  and show decent table manners when eating.  They didn't interrupt or talk over each other to vie for my attention.  I got to trade riddles and silly jokes with Charlie, and then hear tales of the characters at Sam's preschool.  I could hear the debate over Jack's opinions about the best dishes at each of the restaurants we drove past.  I could follow the plot of the new Muppets movie,  and just  bask in the happiness of hanging out with my fine, sturdy grandsons.

Charlie finds life funny

Sam shoots hoops

   Jack is busy programming computer games throughout the Scratch  website from MIT.  He guided me through signing up so I can follow his games as he creates them. He had to hurry with the programming, because the boys are only allowed screen time on the weekends.  He and Charlie are taking piano lessons, and have very different styles.  Jack is into the four-handed Heart and Soul, while Charlie is fascinated that the piece his teacher wants him to play (Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring) is almost three hundred years old.

Jack creates a game

   




 Sam likes to build and to do crafts.  I studied the basic triangle forms of the magnetic rods and balls, so that I could build with him. I faked it OK.   But when it came to crafts, I was flummoxed by the last piece of the extremely simple bracelet kit I had brought.  So three dimensional, and of course the directions are in pictures.  Sam figured it out.

Sam builds

Duet

   In every spare moment, the boys go outside to play basketball or catch.   There are friends to  ride bicycles with at the park on the next block. Jack and Charlie each join a friend on weekday mornings for the three- block walk  to their elementary school.
    I felt lucky that Sam is still young enough to be walked to his  preschool.  After we dropped Sam off, Paul took me on a walking tour of Evanston.  We strolled along Lake Michigan, and ended up at a farm to-table restaurant. "I think they come from Portland," ventured Paul.   The next day was blustery, so we had a driving tour of the town, complete with Paul's commentary.  He'd thought carefully about sites that would be of interest to me.  He almost always sees people he knows.  It was fun to meet the friends from the different civic and musical parts of his life.
    On this trip, I got to have blocks of  one-to-one time with each boy, and with Paul.  I left for home with my heart full and satisfied.

Walking Sam to school

Texas flowers

   The bluebonnets and Indian paintbrush were in bloom along the roadside when David picked me up from the airport in College Station.  It looked like a purple and orange carpet, billowing  in the ever-present Texas wind. I was eager to see Maxine and Simone.

Simone leading me to the pool

    Maxine came bounding out of her kindergarten class, a schoolgirl in her  navy and khaki uniform uniform and her bight pink princess backpack.  "Grandma!" she cried. Simone  was running around  in the outdoor area of her preschool, on the same school grounds.  She shied away, not knowing me.  The hesitation faded fast as Simone's cheerful busyness took over.

Simone names her world

    Maxine takes pride in her grasp of the structure of her week:  dance on Tuesdays, swimming on Wednesdays, gymnastics on Thursdays, movie night at home on Fridays. By the time we got Maxine to her swimming lesson that afternoon,  Simone and I were fast friends.  She let me accompany her round and round the pool, veering toward and away from the water's edge while I walked in a crouch at what for me is top speed.  During the car ride home, Simone hummed one tuneless  tune after another and then said, "All done."  Maxine sang Frere Jacques, and Simone pitched in.  
    Maxine keeps busy with arts and crafts.  She made bracelets for me and Judy and the boy next door on her rubber band loom.   Simone is at the delightful stage of naming her world ;  Shoe!  Fit! Clean up!

Maxine makes bracelets

     Movie night featured Frozen.  David had invited friends in for Indian food.  After dinner we sat in rows in front of the TV with popcorn on our laps while Maxine guided us through the movie.  At the end,  Maxine said, "Now's the time to dance!"  We all danced wildly through the credits.  Maxine, tall and thin, leaped around the room with her graceful ballet moves ( she even tries to do the hula hoop en pointe.)  Simone, sturdy and solid, did the twist in place.

Go Fish

    My brother Don and his wife Mary drove up from the Woodlands on Saturday.  They chased Maxine up and down the steep banks of the creek in the backyard, while Simone ran around "Outside!  Outside!"

Man cave

Maxine beat Mary at cards, and we all played Hide and Seek.  David and Don found the perfect hiding place in the storage closet.  They laughed about my upcoming trip to see the grandsons in Evanston:  "This is just the warm up ; that will be the real game."  And, "Tina's away for the weekend? It will be like Lord of the Flies.  You'll get there  to find Paul tied up."
   Late Saturday night Courtney arrived home from the castle in Bavaria where she had given a talk and learned a new German card game.  David and I drove through  the quiet Texas night to Austin.  I stayed in his apartment before getting on the plane to Chicago at dawn.