New Jersey diner

Vonnie with Aunt Marie

     Vonnie, Rose and I drove from Maryland to New Jersey to take Aunt Sister and Aunt Marie out to lunch.  Although their grief at Uncle Flurry's death was close to the surface, both women teased and joked with Vonnie with light,  quick responses that I haven't seen from them in years.   Vonnie has been their rock (as she is so many people's rock) during the years of Uncle Flurry's illnesses.   I expected to see the aunts depending on her, but was surprised and happy to see them having fun with her.

Aunt Sister plays with Mickey, her parakeet

     Both Aunt Sister and Aunt Marie had their gloves, scarves, and purses near the door ready to go when we picked them up.  Aunt Sister also had ready a bag of mysteries to pass on to Marie's daughter-in-law and a big tub of Ice Melt , "Because Marie has all those steps."  We followed Marie's clear and perfect directions to the Allwood Diner.
      I helped Marie up the stairs and through the heavy doors of the diner, and then the audiences began.  The host, the waiters, the busboy, all stopped to talk to Marie and give her their condolences.  As we made our way slowly to the large booth in the corner, an elderly man sitting at a table with a woman in a purple turban asked Marie how she was getting along. "We went to grade school together, " the turbaned woman told me,  "I meet him here every week.  He makes me laugh." They looked like they had settled into their table for hours. At another booth, a woman in her 60s was sitting with her grandson.  Marie knew both the woman and the grandson, and asked about his college studies.

Allwood Diner, Clifton, New Jersey

     The waiters and waitresses at New Jersey diners  could give lessons to casual dining staff across the country. They are  familiar and friendly, but with perfect timing when taking orders or serving or refilling.  None of this "I'm Chad, and I'll be your server today."  They just serve.  Our waiter asked, a little hesitantly, "I don 't mean to be personal, but it looks like you are part of the same family." He took a bad photo of us, and agreed silently to hold the check for Rose and me so that there would be no struggle over it at the end of the meal.
      It took even longer to leave the diner that it did to go in, because Marie had thank-you notes to give to the employees who a gone to Uncle Flurry's funeral.  We took Marie to her house, and then Aunt Sister to hers.  They live 15 minutes apart, but will have trouble seeing each other now, because neither of them drives.

Lookin' good at the diner

     As Vonnie drove the 4 hours back to Maryland   ("I know you're a good driver, but I like to drive.  I've made this trip  many times in the past few months.")  we speculated about what it would be like to  be  old and frail and maybe forgetful and living alone.  How do habits help when you have dementia?  If you make your bed every morning and clean your house every Saturday now, will that help ground you when you feel fuzzy about what  day it is?  And, how is it that we and our friends grew up in families of 6, or 8 or 9 children, and yet there are so few grandchildren?  How will we fare?
     At one point we were counting our blessings.  Our children are thriving, we have good marriages, it looks like we will  all be able to retire.  Then Rose began. "I almost hate to say this.."
From all corners of the car came,
"Don't say it!"
"Don't say it!"
"I won't say it!"
 It is very bad luck, at our ages, to talk about good health.
    

Sister/cousin weekend

Sisters and cousins at Rehoboth

Beach town in winter

Gettysburg cousins

     It was crazy, but Rose and I did it.  We got on a plane in Portland and flew across the country  to spend a weekend at the beach with our sisters and cousins.  We landed at National Airport on the Potomac. In the soft evening light  I gawked at the renovated Depression-era airport, the Tidal Basin, the Jefferson Memorial, and all the big government buildings that I haven't seen in years.  Saint Ernie picked us up drove us up 14th Street and out New York Avenue.  Riding through the city on that route   took me back to my college days.   We arrived to a warm welcome at Ernie  and Vonnie's house, greeted by Bert, the Corgi.

    The next morning the 5 sisters  took off across the Chesapeake Bay bridge to the Delaware shore, chattering and laughing  the whole way.  At Rehoboth we were joined by our cousin and cousins' wives from Gettysburg.

Fooling the eye

Sisters

    We ventured once to the beach and said hello briefly to the ocean.  Florrie drove us through the old Dutch seaport town of  Lewes, where we saw a trompe l'oeil shed.  Most of the time we sat by the fire and ate chocolate and cookies and wondered at the mysteries of our children . We pondered the unknowns of our mothers' and grandmother's lives. Florrie regaled us with stories of shopping for her daughter's TV-worthy wedding dress.  Chris told the heartbreaking story with the happy ending of finding a new house to move to after 25 years in the same place.
    As we moved in a pack, talking and  laughing, from house to car to  hotel to restaurant  and back again, I blurted out, "I used to think I was peculiar. Now I think it might be familial."  That became the refrain of the weekend--"It's familial."

Rock Princess

Rock princess, 5th birthday

Morning dance

    Maxine planned to have a Rock Princess theme for her 5th birthday party.  Isn't "rock princess" an oxymoron?  I think more about Rock Queens.  I wanted to go to the party as Tina Turner, but then I looked at my legs. Oh, well.
     David and I went  to La Mexicana  store in Bryan  to buy Maxine a true princess dress. The place was crammed with gowns and tiaras and silver shoes for girls having their First Communions or Quinceaneras.  The young clerk looked at the dress of Maxine's that we had brought with us, heard our description of very tall 5 year old, and suggested the perfect dress.  It even has a hoop skirt, which the clerk assured us Maxine will want to wear under all of her dresses.

Unwrapping

     Maxine woke on the morning of her birthday, put on her wings, and started dancing. After breakfast she spied the pile of presents from family. She tried to sound out the names of the givers.  Simone, now 9 months old, helped with the unwrapping.  The princess dress was  big hit.

Gym party

Taking a break from crawling

          Maxine's birthday party was held at a gym, with all 22 kids and their brothers and sisters and parents scrambling over the mats and equipment.  I've come to know the parents of her friends, and I liked seeing them again.  Simone, who is just beginning to crawl, had lots of space to roam.

Coloring the tote bag

Hard to say goodbye

     The following days saw Maxine constantly busy with the craft project kits she had gotten as birthday presents. She became absorbed in coloring a psychedelic tote bag.   I worked with her to put glitter and jewels on mirrors and tiaras and wands.  My more important job was keeping Simone occupied.  We played peek-a-boo and upside- down -baby and blow- the- hair -off -the -forehead.  When I left to fly home, Simone gave me a big, open-mouthed baby kiss on my cheek.