Celebrations

Lisa's garden

      My friend Lisa throws a garden party every year to celebrate the summer solstice.  We sit in her lush gardens and enjoy the deep green and clear light.  I think of "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day." Lisa's husband Bob is a mechanic who restores classic cars.  The table heavy with our potluck dishes is set up in his open-sided garage, sharing the space with a half- rebuilt Chevy.  As the sun goes down, the air gets chilly, and Lisa lights a fire.  It was at Lisa's party a few years ago that I first had the thought,  "I can retire now; there are so many good people in my life."

Ann

     College graduation is always something to celebrate, but for my friend Ann it had an extra tinge of triumph.  Picking up formal education again in your forties is not easy.  Ann wove classes and papers and reading into her busy life.  She worked  full time at the Sellwood library and maintained a rich family life with her partner and two teenagers.  She graduated last week with a degree BA in non-profit management and a certificate in conflict management and mediation. Her family flew in from Colorado and Illinois, friends and neighbors gathered, and her colleagues closed the library and walked over for the party.   We rejoiced with  Ann in her long-awaited achievement.

Sisters and brother with me on screen

     My Aunt Sister turned 90 on May 20.  Uncle Flurry, her 80-year old brother, planned a birthday party for her in New Jersey.  Nieces and nephews and cousins came  from Texas and Washington and Chicago and Boston and Florida. They came together  to celebrate the dear woman who was there for our baptisms and first communions and confirmations and graduations and showers and weddings, and who  never forgets our birthdays or anniversaries.  I was unable to go, because I was on call to fly to Texas as soon as the new baby Simone was born.   Thanks to Skype, I could celebrate with   my sisters and brother and other dear ones at the party after the party in their hotel room.

Celebrating Carol

     I was in Texas, but how I wish I could also have been in Boston to hear my friend Carol's talk when she received an honorary degree.  Carol  taught philosophy for thirty years at Simmons College before moving back to New York.  There she taught rabbis in training at Hebrew Union College until she retired.  Last month Carol was honored by Simmons  with an honorary degree in religion.   In Carol's talk,  she summarized the important questions that her life and teaching have been about.  
         When my friend Helen's partner Donna died, seven of Helen's eight brothers and sisters came to the funeral, along with their children and grandchildren.  Donna's children and grandchildren, friends and community members all gathered  to remember Donna and to comfort  each other.  As I sat in the packed country church looking at the slide show of photos on the large TV screen, I remembered something from my own life.
      When my then-husband  and I told his father, Albert, that we were separating, Albert's reply was, "Don't do that.  Come back here and we'll have a big party for you."  Even in my surprise I understood that, though a party can't save a bad marriage, a gathered family and community can celebrate the good and soothe the losses.