The lesbian nod

Irish rainbow

   I was walking down a sidewalk in Chicago with my grandsons gamboling about me.  Coming toward us was a woman pushing a stroller with one hand and guiding a toddler with the other.  She gave me a brief, courteous nod. Ah, the lesbian nod, a sign of recognition and encouragement between strangers.  I exchanged that nod with an old woman in the waiting room at the OSHU hospital.  It came again from a younger woman walking down the aisle of a plane, as I sat there with  my mask and stoic air-travel face already on.  The lesbian nod says, "I see  you." It is a grace note, and a comfort.
    Last week the Republic of Ireland voted decisively to recognize gay marriage.  Ireland is the first country in the world to enshrine gay marriage in its constitution by poplar vote. 60% of citizens voted, with many Irishmen flying back home from abroad just for the election.  62.5% voted yes.  The measure passed in all provinces except for one. After the results were announced, in Irish first and then in English, a double rainbow appeared over Dublin.

Double rainbow over Dublin

 
    Meanwhile, back in everyday life, I went to the bank to cancel a credit card that has a fee. The young banker persuaded me to open another credit card, one with no fees and cash back. She was following a script to fill out the application, and asked me about my annual income. "For both Judy  and me?" I asked. Yes. No looking up special Oregon rulesfor domestic partners, no calling a manager for clarification, no bewildered look.  She just filled out the form, and issued a card with more favorable terms than I would have gotten with just my income.

Wedding portrait

    What I didn't say to the banker was, "For me and my wife?"  I have hesitated to describe Judy as my wife.  In my early life I experienced shrinking into a wife, and it was awful.  I also find it awkward, after 20 years of calling her my partner, to say "wife."  But I am going to start doing it.  Our new minister refers matter-of factly to her first wife and her second wife.  The other day I heard a young male sportscaster talking about misogyny in FIFA, the world's governing body of soccer.  The head of the FIFA mistook the wife of one of the best women's soccer players the world for somebody else and he didn't bother to apologize, scolded the sportscaster.  I am getting used to hearing "his husband" or "her wife."  I realize that it is important to use the word "wife" as another way of saying that I claim the privileges of marriage.